Learning to Go With the Flow
Anyone who knows me knows that I am an ultra-planner, list-maker, sometimes *slightly* rigid workaholic. I thrive with schedules, deadlines and heavy workloads. I love digging my hands into new projects, ironing out the nitty gritty details and crossing off tasks (Capricorn stellium anyone?). This has been my work ethic and general lifestyle for my entire adult life (and let’s face it, most of my childhood). That is, until I had kids.
When my daughter was born, my life turned upside down – as it often does when a child comes into the picture. I knew that I didn’t want to send her to daycare full time, but I struggled to manage a career and a baby/toddler at home at the same time. Then, when my second child was born, I knew I needed to do something different. I left my ad agency job and started freelancing, but even with the unlimited flexibility I now had, I still struggled to manage it all. I often felt like I was failing on all fronts – my businesses, my kids, my house, and my well-being were all falling short of the high expectations I had placed on myself.
When my daughter failed to thrive in public school, we made the decision to homeschool and I went into super-planner mode. I researched curriculums, sample schedules, materials, classes, and organization systems. I made endless lists and spreadsheets and I even designed and printed a custom planner to keep myself organized. But every time I tried to implement and follow a new schedule, life (and kids) had other ideas. I was so discouraged; I wondered how or if I would ever be able to do it all.
A lot of the advice out there is geared towards creating and enforcing schedules to keep the household, kids, and business on track. And while I fully appreciate and admire (even maybe envy) people who are able to do that with their families, it clearly was not working for us.
It wasn’t until very recently – 6 years into being a mom and almost 2 years into self-employment – that I started finding ways to let go of the schedules, planning and expectations of what our days and weeks would look like. And let me tell you, that does NOT come easily for me!
So how am I doing it?
I realized that I still deeply need to think things through and create a plan for what our weeks will look like, but I also now recognize that most of those plans will likely change as we move through our days. I’ve learned to create an outline for us to shoot for, but to use it as a guideline instead of a hard and fast rule.
At first, when my plans would go out the window, I took it very personally, feeling like a failure for not adequately planning our day properly. But I have learned to give myself grace in those situations and realize that not everything is within my control (one of the hardest things for a Capricorn Sun, such as myself, to accept).
And the most important point here is that I have just barely started learning how to let go of control and “go with the flow”. I am nowhere near perfect, and many days I fail miserably. But even more important than getting it right every time, is the ability to reset and adjust my expectations and start fresh the next day.
It is a continual process and one that I hope to model for my kids. Showing them that it’s ok to say yes to what feels right in the moment and pivot away from something that feels tricky or unfulfilling and come back to it later (or maybe not at all).
Embracing Community Support with Maven Collective
One thing that I realized was missing in our meticulously designed schedules, was community for me and friends for my kids to play with. While they had been in part-time care off and on over the years, we hadn’t found a good solution for me to be able to work at home with them. And they often got bored of playing with the same toys and each other every day.
When I heard about Maven Collective, a female-centric coworking space with a children’s center, I knew I had to get involved. I am beyond thrilled to have something like this in my community and am confident that it is the missing piece for our family. Our very first day at Maven was nothing short of *MAGICAL*. The kids played endlessly in the beautifully and thoughtfully designed children’s area while I was able to sit at a desk nearby and get more work done than I have in a long time!
With a variety of membership options including full time, part time, private offices and day passes, there is truly something for everyone from the full-time mom-preneur to the stay-at-home mom looking for friends for their kids to play with, and everything in between. Maven represents a change in the way we view motherhood and careers and provides a space that women can truly do both without feeling guilty about either one.
If you are local to the Fargo/Moorhead/West Fargo area, I highly encourage you to check out Maven Collective, even if you aren’t a working mom. The more we support women in their careers and in motherhood, the more the community thrives as a whole.